Story Time...

 Disclaimer: Any of the "frogs" in my life are not bad people, and I am not insulting them in the story, it is more of a play on words and simplifying things. Even though things didn't work out with some of my more serious relationships, I know it was for a reason, and I still love and respect them in my own way. Y'all helped shape who I am, and I know that at least one of you is a dear and treasured friend.....now, on to the silly and hopefully cute "story". Enjoy ladies!


Once upon a time, in the land of Typical, there was this princess. Except, this princess didn't know she was a princess, not in her heart of hearts. Nonetheless, this princess spent many years, from middle school to junior year of college, searching for her prince. She found a few frogs that were very convincing, one in high school and one in college that were especially convincing. She gave years of her life to both of the frogs, and even more years to several more. She also gave treasures that she should have kept for herself and a real prince. After years of being mislead, not always by the frogs, but also by her own false desires and ideas, she finally got tired. She didn't want any more frogs, and she wanted a REAL prince. The princess moved to a new kingdom and saw several "princes" there. But then, the princess ran into a new problem...these new "princes" did not see her! At all! In fact, they decided that they wanted other princesses instead of her. This made the princess very sad, and very angry for a short time. She felt ugly, not special enough, like there would always be a prettier princess with prettier dresses and more charms to lure the princes. But, then one day, when the princess was feeling extremely low, she heard a message, several messages, several days in a row, by several wise and beautiful people. And then, she found her prince. Her prince who had been there all along loving her, and seeing just how beautiful and wonderful she was. This prince's father, every one's king, had given the princess all of her gifts, beauty, and her treasured heart. So, her prince knew and loved her all the way through. From that day forward, when the princess started to think that no one would love her, or find her beautiful, or see the gifts she had to offer, she would look toward her prince, and her heart would glow with love. From that day forward, she lived happily ever after. THE END <3



Lol so random I know, it just popped into my head and I wrote it down. It is a cute way of explaining where I am at and have been in the past and recently, without all of the details. Lol hope it makes someone laugh or maybe inspires?

LoveJoyPeace

So, It has been day two since I started really trying to be content with life, my circumstances, and everything that goes on around me. It. Feels. AMAZING. I have definitely had some annoyances the last couple of days, and back track a week before they would have probably ruined my day and put me in a mood for a few hours at least. But, this week, with my new attitude, things are going way smoother. It is like a big cloud is lifting.

Here is a run down of my day that would have previously put me in a fog and a lousy mood for possibly half of the week. (Sad and ridiculous I know!)  But here is how my day went: I had a hard time waking up at 6 a.m., as most people would...but instead of cursing the clock and being pissed about having to get up before noon, I changed my outlook and went on my way. While I was teaching my stomach started hurting and usually this would have made me upset and I would have started counting down the hours until I could get home. Instead, I just ignored it to my best ability, and pretty soon I forgot about it. I also ended up having a very rambunctious group of kiddos assigned to me for the rest of the year in my field experience, and although this might not have been a huge issue even when I had my old attitude, it still would have been frustrating. But, even though the kids tested me, I couldn't help but feel joy about the fact that they were so eager to learn and that I have a challenge to tackle for the rest of the semester. After getting home from the elementary school I discovered that my Internet was shut off, and that my package I had been waiting on was still in transit. Now these two things got me grumpy for a while, unfortunately. But, I still managed to get my attitude in check and get over these really insignificant things. Was my day the worst day? No, but it was not "perfect" either. But, thanks to my new attitude I still chalked it up to a good day and I won't be carrying negative feelings over insignificant things into tomorrow. It may sound silly, but I have been really bad about that lately. My efforts to change my attitude don't always keep me in the perfect state of mind, but they do show me that a smiling soul makes a difference, and that the things that do bother me are pretty laughable. I love this change!!!

Now, my description of my day seems pretty average and insignificant I'm sure. If you actually followed the whole day I commend you dear reader! The day itself is not what is significant though, it is how I feel after the day that is the most important thing of this post. Over the past few weeks, maybe even month, I have felt run down, tired, lonely, and even sad at the end of each day. I have felt frustrated that all of these "bad" things happened, or sad that I was still not getting what I thought I wanted from life. Bottom line, I felt empty. And today would have made me feel pretty low if I was still in that place.

The beautiful thing  about today, is that I feel full, complete, joyful, loved, and excited about life, even when nothing exceptionally awesome happened. Almost the opposite if anything. And this new feeling of peace and joy shows me what a HUGE contrast it is between now and the previous weeks. And all of these changes that are starting to happen are all because of one thing: God. God, his love, his beauty, and his grace. It is a fantastic experience and the best part is, it is only the beginning. I may fail, and will still have my Negative-Nancy day, but, my over all attitude and outlook is way better and my bond with my God is getting way stronger. My heart, attitude, and desires are changing. It is awesome!!!

Bottom Line: God is beautiful <3...haha shortest "bottom line" from me ever! Thanks for reading, have a blessed week!


Here are some songs that are really inspring me, and just really relate to what I'm feeling, enjoy!

      

               

  

  

    

Content in Christ

So, today I went to "Mug and Muffin" (A bible study/fellowship type thing with some lovely ladies from CRU). And, although I expected it to be a nice experience, I did not expect it to be as enriching and perfect for my current state of mind as it was. Needless to say, God wanted me to be there and he got a very good message that he has been trying to get to me for a little while now. It is truly amazing how much God will tell us, if we just focus on him and pay attention. I totally felt him today and it was awesome :).

So, to get to the main point of this post, the things that I got from today are as follows:

I realized today that even though I had previously thought that I was content, and focusing on my relationship with God and God only, I have not been. I do love God more than I ever have before, and I have made sooooo much progress spiritually in the last 7 months or so. But lately, I have been so worried about when and if I will ever meet a Godly man who will fall in love with me one day, that I lost sight of the goal of pursuing God. I have not wanted a relationship in order to receive attention and affirmation, I have wanted one in order to grow closer to Christ along side someone. But today, I realized that I have a room full of wonderful women that I can grow with. None of them will ever distract me from my journey, and they will all know to some degree what I am going through and vice versa. I have a whole community of Christians to talk about God with, and to grow more in love with him. I am realizing now that being single, and pursuing him with my friends is a much better use of my time than anything else I could be doing. Lesson learned and dually noted God :).

There is a second thing that I learned and loved hearing about today, and that was training myself to be content. This is also something I have been struggling with lately. I get really caught up in the fact that certain people are getting the things that I want. Like attention, or material things, etc. etc. After today I realized that the things that cause me frustration and worry are all earthly. Every time I feel down about myself or my situation, it is because I am calculating and taking note of the earthly desires that are not being met. I realize that that is such a silly thing to spend my time doing! I have gifts, and blessings that make my life beyond amazing. Are my gifts and blessing the same as my peers? No. Is that ok? Absolutely! I really need to keep working on remembering that all of my  earthly desires and frustrations are meaningless and silly in the long run. I need to count the haves, and not the have nots. I have an amazing, almighty, and powerful God. I have loving, amazing friends. I have wonderful and supportive parents. (All of those boil down to healthy and blessed relationships). I have all of my basic needs met, and then some. I have two "fur-babies" that I love dearly and they bring me joy every day. I have a passion and drive to serve the lord and a gift with children which will help me to change lives and do his will. I have so many reasons to smile each day! The most important thing is that I have God, and I do not need anything else. I don't need more money, more friend, and certainly not a relationship. Not now. This is the perfect time in my life for me to focus on God, and to pursue him. I have so many tools to aid in that pursuit at this point, and I have so much time to do so. I have a group of people to learn and grow with. What could possibly be missing to make me have a huge desire for a relationship with a man when I am not even as close as I need to be with my first love? I am striving to be content with everything I am given from this point on. I already feel way better because of it!

....I have no idea what my future holds. And I don't need to know. I know I trust God, and that he will provide and deliver. His plans for me are way better than any plans I could come up with myself, and I have no intention of taking the reigns and doing my own thing due to impatience. How could I not be in love with someone who provides for me, loves me unconditionally, teaches me something new every day, gives me gifts in many different forms, and completes me? How could I be dissatisfied with him and crave more? I don't know, and I won't any more. I'm excited! Things are only going to get better from here! I love my new perspective, and I love my life with Christ. God has so many amazing things planned for me, I have no clue what they are, but I can just feel the joy beauty of my future. It is overwhelming in a good way! So excited, and so loved <3...so in love <3!

Engagements/Whose Time Frame Are We Running On?

So, I have noticed that a loooot of people in my age range seem to be getting engaged and finding their soulmates. And in my insecure and lonely moments, it gets to me. It makes me scared and worried that I have not even met the kid yet (that I know of). And then it makes me start to think that maybe a good, kind, awesome Christian man will NEVER notice me......and after my fairly typical spiral of nonsense that most women my age and in and position go through, I let logic back in my head. Then, I realize that I am basing my worries and fears on a time frame that I have made for myself. Yes, many people get engaged around 21-25 years old, and many people meet their soulmate in college. But do all of them? NO. And just because my future hubby is not showing up after a bunch of other people are starting their lives together officialy, does not mean he never will. I feel like so many of us ladies worry about this anyway. I am actively trying to stop this trend though! I am so glad for the awesome couples getting engaged, and I can tell with so many of them that God put them together.  But instead of getting sad and "lonely" because of the frequency of these couples, I am going to let them inspire me instead! Instead of seeing something beautiful and thinking, "darn, I wish I could have that!", I am going to start thinking, "Yes! I will have that one day!". And until "one day" comes, I will focus on important things such as my journey and ROMANCE with GOD, school, family, my pets, volunteering, being the hands and feet of Christ, etc. etc. And somehwhere during all of that someone might be able to sneak in and pursue my heart. No more getting discouraged that I am not being pursued by Christian men, it will happen soon enough, maybe just not now. The people I wish to pursue me now might not, they probably won't, but it is nothing to be taken personally. It is just that they are made for someone else and someone else is waiting for me. Besides, God is ALWAYS pursuing my heart. And although I have been working hard to give it to him fully, I need to give it to him even more! Something I have been willing to do since last semester, and a desire that keeps growing the more I involve myself in CRU and the more I serve him. The ultimate romance is something that we all arleady have, the romance with God. Loving someone who loves God is ideal, and the three of you are in a relationship together, but the primary one is already available. The relationship with God is the most important, and is there as soon as you choose to accept it. Any other one only joins and should support the first one. So...in conclusion, I am focusing on my most important relationship first. And taking joy in it!

Changing Heart, Changing Desires.

 WARNING: This is random, completely all over the place, and possibly slightly offensive. But, it is what was in my head and I needed to get it out.


So......I have gotten stronger and stronger during my faith journey lately, and even though there have been some all too recent speed bumps, any vice I enjoyed in the past has become completely empty and joyless. It makes me happy because it proves to me that my heart is in the right place, and that I am in love with God instead of all of the earthly things that used to consume my mind and time. However, it is also a new struggle altogether....I say this because I find myself being bored doing things that I used to find entertaining. Enjoying my rights as a 21 year old for instance.....I have many friends who love to drink, and since all of these changes have happened in my heart...it just isn't as amusing to me as it used to be. Sure, I will enjoy a beer or glass of wine every now and then, but I never aim to get trashed or make a fool of myself. On the rare occasions that I consider the idea, I find myself getting bored and uninterested in the idea halfway through my efforts. The same goes for getting attention from guys. I have always been the girl that based my self esteem on if a guy likes me or not, or if I am in a relationship or in the very least being pursued. But lately, it all just seems so incredibly silly. The idea that any woman feels better about themselves because some guy tells them they are pretty or wants to have sex with them seems like a big joke! Of course, if you are willing to offer, anyone will take it. It isn't about how many guys want you physically, that is relatively easy to obtain and in the end completely pointless and disrespectful to yourself. I think of all of the times that I desired male attention and approval, just on the emotional level alone and it just makes me feel silly. Why pine over something that God will take care of? Why feel alone when God is ALWAYS there and ALWAYS has the purest intentions for your heart? Why go through tons of relationships with guys who don't see your value just because you feel "alone". It is so true, you should not be with someone if you can't handle being with just yourself. I see too many ladies that I deeply care about that settle for so much less than they deserve just because they are impatient with God's plan and the timing of it. Or because the think they don't deserve better, or because they think that the current guy is the best they could get. It is making me sad, and as much as I hate to admit it, angry! Angry because they are selling themselves short and there is not a damn thing I can do to help them or deter them.  I get angry at myself too because I get impatient at times. I don't act on it thankfully, but the temptation alone makes me feel bad.........bottom line......loneliness is the human condition, but that is not an excuse to sell yourself short and make poor decisions.


Another thing I have noticed since my heart has changed, is that I have way more convictions (lol I'm sure this is obvious if you read the above section, sorry to offend anyone...I just hate beautiful women that I love making decisions that will hurt them later)...but anyways, these convictions are leading me to just look at things in entirely different ways. I am becoming passionate about things I used to be fairly indifferent about, and uncomfortable and disenchanted with things that I used to like. It scares me. It makes me worry that I will turn into one of those judgemental angsty "Christians" that I am ashamed to be associated with. Sometimes I get angry at certain decisions people make because I feel they are wrong and I feel that they could do better for themselves. Not out of self righteousness, or holier-than-though attitudes (those are crap...Jesus LOVES EVERYONE...which means no judgement...which means none of those superiority shenanigans), no, I get upset because I love people and hate to see their downfall or unnecessary struggles. I just pray that I can use that frustration which is really sadness and love combined...and channel it to actually reach people and show them love and kindness, and show them who God is so that their hearts can change for the better.

BOTTOM LINE: My heart is constantly changing, causing me to make better decisions or attempt to, and also causing me to want to rise above my previous selfishness and quick temper, in order to use my passion and love that is in my heart, to lead and inspire people, to take care of them, and to open them up to what it truly means to love God. To know him, trust him, be completed by him, and to change because of him. I hope that I will stay grounded and strong in my convictions without being rude or turning people away. I want to stay my easy going, accepting self, while answering to a higher calling and higher standards for myself all at the same time. It can be done, it will be done, because no matter what Christ is love. Change in general scares me, so I guess my new found strength and mental processes are scaring me at the moment. I don't know. But above all else, I aim to love and live like God wants me to, more than I ever have before.

One Day...

So, lately I have been feeling a little down. I feel lonely. In a way that is a good thing, because it means that I am feeling better and healed, I'm more open to the idea of getting to know someone again. It is also bad because it makes me vulnerable and it could lead me into trouble if I am not careful. This is the time that I need to keep focusing on my relationship with God. There is a hole that needs to be filled, but it is one that can't be filled by some guy. I also feel like I am behind somehow. So many people around me seem to be getting married, or have at least found the person that they will eventually marry. It makes me feel like I am running out of time sometimes. I don't want to be in a serious relationship right now...not at all. But it will still be nice to at least know the guy that will eventually fall in love with me, real love, not just infatuation like I am used to. All of that being said, I have a sort of mantra, or note to read whenever I am feeling lonely, or just thinking about settling for something less than I deserve. I think every woman should write something like this to themselves when they are feeling alone, weak, worthless, or just unattractive in some way.


One day someone will absolutely ADORE you. Someone will respect you and think of you as their equal. They will find your opinions and thoughts valuable and interesting. One day someone will make you laugh. Not just the polite giggle kind, but the head back, shaking with laughter kind. Not only will they do this, but they will do it often. One day someone will see you smile, and their face will light up as much as yours if not more. Someone will get your sense of humor, and they will make your jokes and playing even more fun. One day someone will do things that you love. They will be able to twirl you around on the dance floor, or play guitar. Maybe they will just be really good at hugging. It doesn't matter, whoever "they" are, they will do something that brings you great joy. One day, someone will SEE you. They will see your good qualities and your bad and they will accept all of them. Someone will help you grow as a person, but they will also let you help them to grow. Someone will go through fights and challenges with you, but they will still find you worth it after the altercations are over. They will compromise and understand. One day someone will find you absolutely beautiful. Imagine one of those days where you look in the mirror and see your beauty...now multiply that by 10 and that is how your true love will see you. One day someone will see you in the morning, hair in a mess, makeup smeared, and they will still smile because they are glad to have you by their side as soon as they wake up. One day someone will let you steel the covers, and no matter how often you do it they won't get angry. They might get their own blanket however :P. One day someone will be there for you. When life has torn you down and you can't take another step, they will hold your hand and not only tell you that things will work out, but they will enable you, give you tough love and kick your butt out of bed and back to the real world. One day someone will not only help you, but they will turn you towards God in your time of need. They will pray with you and or you. One day someone will get to know you, and they will realize that they want you in their life forever. One day, someone will see you walking down the aisle, and they will cry tears of joy, because one day, much earlier, they knew you were the one.




I know this is not the ideal for everyone, and it is probably ridiculous and extravagant to many. Either way, I believe I will receive this one day, or something close to it. This should be a constant reminder to me that I should not settle for anything less. If I meet someone and they will never have some of my fundamental beliefs or "requirements", I need to walk away. Or if someone already doesn't do some of the important things like, respect me or appreciate me, I need to walk away too. The fundamental concepts in this note are those of love, respect, commitment, and kindness. All of which God already has towards all of us. So, in the end, I already have what I NEED. The only thing left is to meet the person who will join me in my relationship with God, and also the person who will take me two stepping and twirl me around the dance floor all night. :P. I'm good, I'm covered. And if I stay patient and just focus on me and God...he will provide. I will get something that I have never had before and it will be just as beautiful as the "One Day" speech I gave myself.


BOTTOM LINE: I'm not behind, I'm in no hurry, everything will work out as it should, and NO MORE SETTLING. Ever.

also....BE POSITIVE. Focus on the important things, everything else tends to follow.

...lol the end.

Been Awhile..

So, I realized that I have been extremely neglectful of my blog lately, things like school, finals, drama, etc. got in the way. But now I have no other excuse other than laziness which...doesn't count. Even though I would like to, I don't really have any defining moments that have hit me recently to blog about. Instead I guess I'll write a quick update and the random things that have been in my head lately?

There several things that have really been bothering me lately. The first one is that people keep jumping on all of the natural disasters in the U.S. as an excuse to hate on God. NOT.COOL.FRIENDS. It makes me sad that people are so quick to blame and hate God. I wish that people would take the time to try to understand him and get to know him first before they went on their angry tirades. I understand that life is hard, scary, and frustrating. There are things out there that we don't understand and there are things that are horrible. However, people always seem to neglect the fact that people...and this word...are given FREE WILL. Those are two short words, but they seem extremely complicated to comprehend for a lot of people.  When bad things happen, or when people do bad things, it is not God...it is us. Exercising said free will. And God does perform miracles, but if he ALWAYS performed miracles, there would be no suffering, no learning, faith or strength. Furthermore, there would be no point to heaven, because we would already be in it. I don't know, I think people need to realize that many problems are caused by us and us alone, God is not the cause of everything bad. Also random but...why don't people blame Satan more often? Why is he never mentioned in blame? Hmmmm just a thought.

Another thing that is bothering me.....IMMATURITY. I absolutely can not stand it!!! Oh, and drama. I know that as humans, we can't avoid drama. Everyone is guilty of causing it or participating in it. We are curious, mischevious, and vengeful to some degree. However, aside from the typical drama every person engages in...there is a select breed of people who thrive off of it and cause more for entertainment. Those people are killing me lately. My ex who told me he strongly disliked me and could never forgive me decides to trash talk me from time to time over the internet. His catty friend and her boyfriend also tend to join the mock fest. They actually head it up more than he does! He just laughs at what they do and say. I have not talked to the kid in a while, if I did it was to apologize for acting rash and insulting him uneccesarily which, was a boo boo made in a time of weakness...but other than that, I  haven't really done anything that I can think of. But, for some reason, I am public enemy number one still...weird. I don't get it. Why can't we all just let this whole mess go, be civil, and MOVE FORWARD. Luckily I have learned to stay away and not try to change things in such situations. I know not to fuel the fire. But still....REALLY???

One last thing that is irking me...I am so unmotivated lately!!! To do anything! I just don't feel like getting out of bed or doing anything. It is a constant battle to make myself go out and run errands or clean. I have a bad case of the lazies!!! It is no bueno. I need to pray about it and get my lazy butt up and be a valuable member of society! I can't do this all summer...I will hate myself so much lol!

Ok, now that the negative business is over, time for the fun, exciting stuff! I am home for the summer, and I am trying to find a job working with kids, and if I get it...It will be awesome! I miss working with kids a lot! Also, I am starting to cook again and play my guitar and ukulele. My creative jucies will be flowing at full speed in the not too distant future. I love being home and being able to relax, it feels like I didn't get to for almost a whole year! Luckily the working hard payed off and I made the Dean's list and got a scolarship. Hard work pays off, but it still is nice to get away from. I need to remember this though, because I need to remember not to waste my free time. I need to explore my passions and take opportunities I didn't have time for earlier in the year. Woot! I'm excited!

One last thought, I miss Cru! I was having such a good time getting to know people that love Christ as much as I do if not more. I can't wait to come back to it! I also can't wait to join M29 so that I can spread God's love and his word. That being said, I know I need to work hard not to fall back into my old patterns! I need to keep making progress on my journey to being a good person, and making my heavenly father proud. I have slipped up a little already, I have been faced with some temptations that I did not foresee...but I have been strong in others that I had predicted. The walk with Christ is a learning process, and I am learning so much and still have soooooooo much to learn...but no matter what it is rewarding. I need to wake up and keep making him proud.