Life is hard. There are tiny day to day struggles, and there are huge mountains that we have to climb over. No matter what, no one's life is easy or consistantly sunshine and rainbows...But choices can be made in order to make life's difficulties more maneagable. And today, I am making one of these choices. I have always been a Christian, I grew up in church, I have asked God to come into my heart countless times after periods of doing my own thing. And even though I have not lived a "pure" life, God has always been in my heart and mind and my trust has been in him. I used to think that was enough, not because I was taught that, but because I liked being able to do what I wanted and live for me but still have that support system. But now I am realizing that just loving and trusting God is not enough. I have only been seeing the tip of the iceberg here. I can't really think of a time when I was not living for me. Sure, I behvaed better and whent to church more often at certain points in my life, but I was still worrying about earthly pleasures and things like boys or silly little problems that I was moping about. So was that really being faithful?..............Not so much. I finally see it though. I need a change, a REAL change. No more trusting in God and talking to him when it is convenient, no more searching to fill my desire for love with an earthly prince. I have had a prince all along, one who hasn't stopped loving me even though I have dissapointed him and repeated my mistakes countless times. Instead of "living" for God...I am going to LIVE for God. I am going to fill my heart with love, let go of anger, FULLY trust in him, and I am going to surround myself with people who love him as I do if not more. I'm not abandoning any old friends or anything, lol none of that seperating myself from people with different beliefs...I have never thought that technique was very loving to be honest. I am just going to get myself more involved with God, and I am going to be a more positive, loving, faithful person. I need to be so in love with God, that any guy in my life has to love him as well to even come near my heart. That is how it should have been forever ago, and I have always wanted to be one of those strong Christian women. Now is my chance. I am going to do it. I am going to start over and be the person that I have always wanted to be, but was to selfish to do so until now.
On another note....God works in insanely mysterious ways. He brought me to this point, through a series of events that just can't be chance. A few weeks ago I met Keli and Emma, two amazing girls that are really helping me feel at home with God and fellow Christians...and a few weeks after that I lost a relationship that at the time was very valuable to me. Both of those events triggered a yearning for Christ, and healing, and over all a great learning experience. God pushed me over the edge and finally showed me the truth, and after he let me fall to rock bottom, he gave me the tools to climb right back up and become 10X better. I know that right now I am going through an amazing spiritual journey, a key turning point in my life...and thanks to God I have amazing friends that I have known and loved previously, as well as new ones to help me turn a new page. The Lord is truly amazing. I love seeing his power and being surprised constantly by him. <3
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