The MAZE

So, tonight Cru put on a show called The MAZE, and it was AMAZING. I had been excited about it all week, I had participated in praying for its success, and I  had even invited some people to go. The whole time I was doing all of that, I had no idea how much it would affect me. After seeing The MAZE, I am even more sure that God is back in my life.

One of the main messages that resounded with me was the idea that living for God is not just "behaving", living for God is trusting him fully. It is letting go of the wheel and letting HIM drive your life. Haha my favorite thing he said was you are getting rid of your "jacked up" life. This thought just really got me. I have been a Christian all of my life, I have come close to God and I have gone far, but this whole time I really don't think I was living for him. I thought I was, I was under the illusion that I was, but when it boils down to it, everything I have done has been for me. Even "behaving" has been done in the hopes that God would grant me a favor or make my life easier. I think tonight I finally got the distinction between living for me, and living for God, down.

The last couple of weeks have been intense. And now that I am out of the storm, I see so clearly EXACTLY what God has done and why he is doing it. I met Keli and Emma as I said in the post before, then I whent through a nasty breakup, and now this week I saw The MAZE, and my heart is on fire for Christ like it has never been before. All of these seemingly random occurences are actually part of an elaborate plan that God made in order to bring me close to him. I see it, I feel it, and so many things are shifting in my life and heart, all of them bringing me to God and his ultimate plan for me. I have wasted so many years following my own plan, doing my own thing, and being selfish. But now I know what to do. I am throwing myself at the Lord's feet, I am letting him drive my life, and I am trusting him fully. He will take care of me, and his plan is more amazing and glorious than any plan that I can come up with for myself. I am ready. LET'S DO THIS!!!! <3 So, so happy.


P.S.
I have never been this in love with God in my entire life. My heart feels so full, so bright. I feel complete and whole, inspired and safe. I have always tried to fill my heart with other things, people, etc. And I finally see taht the love I have been yearning for, is the love that has been waiting for me all along. I am finally so in love with God, that anyone else would have to love him just as much if not more to get near my heart. That is the kind of strong, Christian woman that I have always wanted to be, but have always been to weak to be. But that has changed, it took God a while to get to me, but he did it. I am so excited to see what he has in store for me!