Mercies in Disguise...

So, last week was rough. Extremely rough. I started the week being late to class, getting talked to by my professor, crying in front of her, and then getting sent to the bathroom to collect myself. The class was my field study, where I go teach at an elementary school so not only did I let my professor down, but I let the kids down and I was incredibly disappointed in myself. The rest of the week continued in that fashion. I was late to things, forgot important things, and was letting people down left and right. By the end of the week I was feeling extremely low and incapable. I was in a very dark place, one that I have not been in a while. The entire time that I was having this rough week I was also distancing myself from God. Instead of praying for patience, understanding, and just keeping my attitude in check, I got angry. AAAANGRY. I was blaming God for every little thing, and asking him why he was putting me through hell and why he was not giving me the things I wanted. I was frustrated about many things, my "bad luck", the actions of other people, etc. And I blamed it all on God. Ridiculous I know, but I feel like it is a common thing that people do when the going gets rough. I was in a haze of negativity and blame all week. At the end of the week I went to something called "Midnight Worship", and at first I was completely numb, angry, and wanted to leave. I was just so fed up with so many things. But, I was surrounded by some very loving, attentive, supportive people and when I was really starting to get angry God sent them my way. I finally let go, cried (which I HATE doing in front of people by the way),and I talked with them and let things out instead of holding them in. I was still angry and somewhat numb the rest of the weekend, but, I was starting to realize that God was not the one trying to hurt me and that I was being foolish. Satan tries to bring us down. He knows our weaknesses, and he knows what he has used to pull us to him in the past. Satan pulled out all of the cards in the deck last week, and although I started to fall for them, through my changing heart, and supportive friends, and more importantly God's power and will, I got through it.

Now that I am back in the swing of things, and have had time to think about it, last week and the weeks building up to it have made me realize a few things. The first thing that I realized is that I was slowly but surely losing motivation for some things. It was a gradual shift, and so I did not know what I was actually doing. By lack of motivation I mean that I was getting tired and lazy about school, and keeping a good attitude about things. This past week everything blew up in my face, and all of the frustration I was holding in, and the lack of motivation that kept me from my full potential finally came into the light. It was a hard pill to swallow, but one that I needed to desperately. I also think that this week was a test. It was a test because since I started really diving into my faith, I have not really had any big problems or issues. Things have been easy going and I have been on a really long "Jesus high". I think this week was a test to see A: How I handle adversity now, and B: If I come back from it or just give up on God and go back to all of my old ways. I failed in a sense, because I did let myself get all bent out of shape for a week, but I would like to think that because I am back and not abandoning my walk of faith I did not fail. Plus, God disciplines the ones he loves, and apparently, I needed some lol!

....Bottom line...We receive trials, some big, some small, but no matter what, everything bad is not delegated by God, he doesn't cause it. Satan tries to play games with our lives and hearts and that can be confused with God being "mean". Also, even if God is actually giving us a trial (which he will do from time to time), he is not doing it to ruin us. He is disciplining us either because an action of ours merits a natural consequence, or because he wants us to grow as a person, and grow closer to him. If we make it through said trials, we will do just that. Everything God does, he does in love. Even if it doesn't feel like it at times of frustration. And Satan, wellllll he is just a bad dude. He likes to attack the weak...but he also likes to go after the strong. Strong people scare him and he goes after them because he desperately wants to keep his hold. Too bad for him, he can't win with me. God has my back. God:1, Satan:0.





So, to go along with this, I wanted to share some verses from the book of James, which is a really good read in times of trouble. This really helped me this weekend!


Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. James 1:2-4

God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. And remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, "God is tempting me". God is never tempted to do wrong and he never tempts anyone else. Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. James 1:12-14

.....The entire book of James is great...if you have time I highly suggest you read it because it has so much more about this subject!


Here are some songs that really talk about this, and part of the second one actually sounds like one of the 'verses in James! (the part about being a dying flower and tossed in the waves, it reminded me of the part of a verse: "Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed in the wind" James 1:6.)

The lyrics to this song=AMAZING...and so true. A wonderful way to see hardship.

(Blessings, Laura Story)

 

 Who Am I by Casting Crowns is always so inspiring to me!